Moaners are jokes that I LOVE. They prove my warped sense of humor.
However, it is understood that not everyone shares in my love for the sick and twisted. I’m thinking this is the
perfect media to express my love for the worst things in life!
If you’re easily offended……….hit the back arrow now. Otherwise, all you sick
bastards, read on and laugh heartily!
I met a woman who was wearing a very revealing, low cut dress. I said "What
were you thinking?" She said, "I wanted to show my cleavage." "Honey....that's not cleavage, that's your god damned camel toe!!"
For Halloween my daughter wanted to be a princess.
I thought it was a cute idea but she scared the hell out of me! Oh my god! She looked just like JonBenet Ramsey!
I’m totally serious, the hair, the crown, the makeup, the dress, the duct tape……...
I recently lost my job. The
cool thing is I get to take my kids to and from school and yell things at my 16 year-old as she’s getting out of the car! Like,
“LOOK AT YOU! YOU’RE WALKING SO MUCH BETTER!! THAT CREAM MUST BE
WORKING!!”
I bought my cat one of those laser pointers for Christmas.
It’s great because everything I point it at the cat attacks as if to maim, destroy, mutilate beyond recognition…………..I’m thinking they should
outlaw these things during Siegfried and Roy shows.
A guy on the internet asked me if I like to kiss.
I said “Of course, I kiss my dog all the time.” He told me it was gross.
“It’s not gross, it’s not like he can kiss me back. He’s been dead since October.”
When I was a teenager I started putting on a little weight.
My mom panicked. She ran out and bought me a pregnancy test and a coat hanger.
I think I've become my mother. I realized
it when I woke up fucking my dad!
They're auctioning a grilled cheese on eBay with the image of the Virgin Mary. I went out looking for it, but all I could find was a picture of a
grilled cheese with a cherry on top.
I
wanted to be a whore and would have been if I didn't think it would affect my kids. You know, like when it comes to "Take your daughter to work day."
The
first time I caught my parents having sex....was at my dad's
funeral.
